Don't Cry For Me

Hi Everyone -


so I wanted to just write a quick note about my "Memories" posts here on my blog.  For those of you who knew me growing up, this is not meant to make you feel bad or sad for not knowing what was going on.  For everyone else and for those I've known since I was little, please do not feel bad or sad for me after reading my story.  After all, I would not be the person I am today if I hadn't gone through all that I have.  I am very, very blessed and even if I could go back and change things, I don't know that I would change a whole lot (maybe a few things).  But knowing what was in store for me down the road of only I could survive the experiences of the past, I think I would endure just to get to this light at the end of my tunnel where I currently am.  

One of the statements members of the LDS church like to say a lot is "I know this church is true" - now, I'm not sure if they're saying that to try to convince others, or themselves; but there is one thing that I told my mother that I still stand by.  You will never hear me attest to something being "True" unless I truly KNOW that it is true.  There are a few things that I do know to be true.


1.  I have a Heavenly Father who loves me; I talk to him often.
2.  I know that Christ died for me and redeemed me of all my sins (and thank god for that, because I have many!)
3.  I have a wonderful husband who loves me so much, I have no doubt he would lay down his life for me in an instant; I also know that no matter what happens, I will never be alone because he will always be by my side.
4.  I have had the privilege of having 5 beautiful children and the wonderful responsibility of raising 4 of them.  I look forward to the day when I can see my sweet baby girl again.  Some of you have heard me say that death will be blessing to me.  I'm not trying to be morbid... I promise; death just takes on a very different persona when you know that someone is waiting for you on the other side...... I have someone waiting for me and I am dying to get to her (pun intended :) )
5.  I know that we are shaped, not only by our experiences, but also our choices.
6.  If we want to implement change in our lives, we must first change ourselves because in reality, that is truly the ONLY thing we can change!


I decided a long time ago that I was not going to be a victim any more.  While this story is very sad, it has a wonderfully happy ending, because it ends with me exactly where I am now.  I may not have the family structure from my parents and siblings that most people have, but I have a circle of friends and loved ones that are better than any family that I could hope for and I have a wonderful relationship with my own children; and this makes me truly blessed.  So, in conclusion, keep reading my story - not because I want you to feel bad for me, but because it's an interesting one and quite sad - but mostly, enlightening.... couldn't we all use some enlightenment?  to be uplifted... to know that each of us can overcome horrific odds!  To be able to go to hell and back and be a better person, a stronger person because of it.  That's what my experiences have done for me.  I thank you all for your kind words and well wishes, but please know - I don't need comfort :0).  I am an incredibly happy and fulfilled person.  I love you all!